Add More Horsepower!

We received this peculiar email today from a guy named Andreas or Antreas Kallis or whatever his name is, from Cyprus:

Goodmorning,
Can you please send me a contact email of the owner of below link car,beacause i want to modify my car like his.
http://addmorehp.com/2008/11/20/bmw-now-offers-mpvs/

Thanks in advance
Antreas

At this point, we don’t know if this is just an automated spam, we’re being punk’d, or this guy is just a plain idiot. I’m just going to assume that he’s an idiot.

Angkots have been known as the inspiration for Indonesia’s riceboys. And we’re so damn surprised that we found Jalopnik featured the Padang Angkots in one of their posts. This shows foreigners that Indonesian riceboys (and their source of inspirations, for this matter) don’t need weed to get high.

Click here for the article.

We’ve been spending a few days sorting out a thing or two in our backyard, and found out that we have a lot that we can put together into one single post. So here they are, all the wings of glory attached to riceboy’s very own cars:

Let’s start off from a regular no-budget ricer that called himself Ebony. The picture speaks a thousand words, so I’ll just let it speak for itself.

Budget-ricer #2 is a dreadful Honda Civic with a stick that seems appropriate to be put in the middle of the wing. You know, to keep it from falling apart.

The next ricer is, well, as we all know, the Korean POS. This time, he’s differentiating with the others by painting the double-decker wing red.

Up to the next class is a Mitsubishi GAYlant. I can bet that the owner wanted an EXTREGANT (as if it is an official way to say it) modification on this one.

The last but not least, is of course, the dumbest of them all. No further comments are required.

Now, have you ever thought where did they get the inspiration from? Easy…

I’ve said it before, and I’m gonna say it again. A riceboy is nothing but an angkot driver with lots of money in his pocket. It’s all about the same taste but different demographics.

Facts:
Ford Laser, unknown license plate, TB Simatupang. (B)
Honda Civic, B 1277 HD, somewhere in Bintaro. (B)
Timor, B 2462 HL, Warung Buncit. (AKZ)
Mitsubishi Galant, B 1060 BE, BSD. (dos)
Toyota Celica, B 22 AY, unknown location. (RP) 

Now, as the second post, we’ll go over the hideous and ugly stuff from this year’s IIMS. Starting with this:

The Foton. Yes, it is yet another Chinese brand. It looks like the Mitsubishi Colt but slightly abnormal, it’s highly chromed, and it is named after Starfleet’s weaponry.

Not that we mind with this mild modification, but…

Do you think this is necessary? The hood is not gonna fly anytime soon, you know…

This is sad, sad Honda Jazz. Why, you say? Simple. Because it’s not a Lamborghini.

And if you think that’s already bad, this one is even worse. Why?

Because it’s so called hydraulic or pneumatic or whatever they use in there, doesn’t really let you to step on the gas pedal. Riceboy’s aesthetics 101… Looks first, think later.

And to sum it all, Honda has this all eco-friendly theme going on, and guess what kind of plant they used to promote it…

Yes… Of all plants, they used weed.

In any car show, there must be at least one poser that thinks he owned a real deal race car. Well, guess who made this…

Straight on, brother! None other than the dude himself. How ya doin’, mate? What version is your car now at?

And to add the ugliness at its best, the interior is covered with snake skin. Oh, dear Lord…

I don’t care if this is just a show car, it is sure ugly as hell. What is with these guys and chrome stickers?

Venom is probably the epitome of car entertainment dumbness. They’re probably the only retards to use a fake Hummer to promote their products.

As for this rim… Well, if you can’t get the real deal, you can always buy the fake one. After all, “Apapun mobilnya, velgnya kan harus Fabulous…”

This is the latest innovation in Daihatsu Astra’s R&D, the racing-styled Daihatsu Xenia…

That comes with a fully functional external brochure holder.

Now, if you ever wondered how riceboys got their stupid inspirations from, we have a set of pictures to explain them all. Starting with this one:

This, is called “Cool Design”, a design by Gaut Widjanarko, a Product Design student from ITS Surabaya. Let me cite his explanation for you.

“Desain innova sudah bagus, sehingga desain yang saya buat hanyalah menciptakan kesan, citarasa baru untuk innova. KONSEP DASARNYA ADALAH MENYAMARKAN GARIS LENGKUNG, SUDUT ROUNDED DENGAN MENAMBAHKAN LEBIH BANYAK GARIS LURUS, TEGAS, DAN BEBERAPA SUDUT TAJAM.

And hence… He created the next generation Dadones. Here’s another one:

A new inspirational design for you who really really, and I mean REALLY love ALTOs…

Or that blasted Livina X-Gear, but doesn’t really want to shell out more money to buy it…

But when it goes to the Anak Selatan club… Behold…

The inspirations for the elegant Innova. Yeah, yeah, sure…

Welcome to the second edition of Ricepiration. Today, we’re going to discuss about the infamous, and ingenious, contraption of all time…

The GT-Wing. In all my life, I have never seen a such spectacular modification on a real-life taxi before, and to our surprise, this came from Surabaya.

The GT-Wing, which could be measured to be as popular as the Dr. Martens a decade ago, is a quintessential part of our nation’s ricing culture. Is it all because of downforce? Speed? Aerodynamics? Drag coefficient? No… The answer is simple: Style. But when you have more money than a mere cab driver, options are laid down in front of you. GT-Wings of various shapes, sizes, or materials will be uncovered before your very eyes.

Let’s go back to logic and physics for a moment as I’ll take this chance to once again, provide a simple and hopefully understandable explanation to the lesser-minded riceboys.

A spoiler was intentionally made to provide extra downforce to a car. Extra downforce means more grip, more stability, improved handling, and the list goes on provided that the spoiler is put on the right place.

An FR car, a front-mounted engine, with a rear wheel drive system, for example would be a very good example. The rear wheels propel your car, so it must have better traction. Not that every single FR car needs one, but a well-designed back spoiler would push the car’s end towards the ground, thus providing better traction.

An FF car, such as the Toyota Vios above is propelled by the front wheels. Using our logic above, the front wheels should have a better traction with the ground. But what if the rear-installed wing pushes your back end down, and resulted on an uneven weight distribution? Your front nose goes up a bit, and you lose traction in the process. So where should these humongous wings be installed on an FF car? It would be on the front hood. But that would simply look ridiculous even for a riceboy.

These ideal conditions, of course, will most likely work if you have the right car with the right performance, the right speed, the right conditions, and the right performance-oriented engineering involved in it. This concludes that installing ridiculous wings on a simple and modest 1.5L compact sedan is useless. And that is what you can conceive from the mind of a riceboy… Uselessness.

But I do find a use for those GT-Wings, though. You can dress your car for the annual Shopping Cart Halloween party without needing anything more. Good luck winning the crown!

Photo by Kingston.