Add More Horsepower!

Last year, we published the Jazz Parade post, containing numerous hideous modifications of the ever-popular car of choice for riceboys, the Honda Jazz. I have to admit, last year’s Jazz Parade post is more spectacular than this one, as in this post, there will only be three cars. This is probably because these riceboys are currently in the progress of upgrading to the latest model Honda Jazz. Who knows? Maybe we’ll get a shitload of next generation rice car photos. But we’re still going to go with this, nonetheless.

Idiot #1 is a regular blue Honda Jazz with a top covered totally with a tribal white sticker. Will the sticker add more horsepower? Of course it will, it has a Mugen logo!

Idiot #2 is a silver Honda Jazz who thought that it didn’t have enough holes to leak out bucket full of water in under 10 seconds. Do they add more horsepower? Yes, just imagine how many holes an F-16 has.

Idiot #3 is a yellow Honda Jazz with enormous rims that could make your ass as flat as a plank if you ride this thing everyday. And if you think that’s the worst this thing has, it’s not.

This is. What the hell is that anyway? An Ultraman power indicator?

Facts:
Honda Jazz, B 1745 OC, unknown location. (DW)
Honda Jazz, B 8767 KA, BSD Tolls. (dos)
Honda Jazz, A 1883 Y, Jakarta-Merak Tolls. (dos) 

Now, as the second post, we’ll go over the hideous and ugly stuff from this year’s IIMS. Starting with this:

The Foton. Yes, it is yet another Chinese brand. It looks like the Mitsubishi Colt but slightly abnormal, it’s highly chromed, and it is named after Starfleet’s weaponry.

Not that we mind with this mild modification, but…

Do you think this is necessary? The hood is not gonna fly anytime soon, you know…

This is sad, sad Honda Jazz. Why, you say? Simple. Because it’s not a Lamborghini.

And if you think that’s already bad, this one is even worse. Why?

Because it’s so called hydraulic or pneumatic or whatever they use in there, doesn’t really let you to step on the gas pedal. Riceboy’s aesthetics 101… Looks first, think later.

And to sum it all, Honda has this all eco-friendly theme going on, and guess what kind of plant they used to promote it…

Yes… Of all plants, they used weed.

In any car show, there must be at least one poser that thinks he owned a real deal race car. Well, guess who made this…

Straight on, brother! None other than the dude himself. How ya doin’, mate? What version is your car now at?

And to add the ugliness at its best, the interior is covered with snake skin. Oh, dear Lord…

I don’t care if this is just a show car, it is sure ugly as hell. What is with these guys and chrome stickers?

Venom is probably the epitome of car entertainment dumbness. They’re probably the only retards to use a fake Hummer to promote their products.

As for this rim… Well, if you can’t get the real deal, you can always buy the fake one. After all, “Apapun mobilnya, velgnya kan harus Fabulous…”

This is the latest innovation in Daihatsu Astra’s R&D, the racing-styled Daihatsu Xenia…

That comes with a fully functional external brochure holder.

Now, if you ever wondered how riceboys got their stupid inspirations from, we have a set of pictures to explain them all. Starting with this one:

This, is called “Cool Design”, a design by Gaut Widjanarko, a Product Design student from ITS Surabaya. Let me cite his explanation for you.

“Desain innova sudah bagus, sehingga desain yang saya buat hanyalah menciptakan kesan, citarasa baru untuk innova. KONSEP DASARNYA ADALAH MENYAMARKAN GARIS LENGKUNG, SUDUT ROUNDED DENGAN MENAMBAHKAN LEBIH BANYAK GARIS LURUS, TEGAS, DAN BEBERAPA SUDUT TAJAM.

And hence… He created the next generation Dadones. Here’s another one:

A new inspirational design for you who really really, and I mean REALLY love ALTOs…

Or that blasted Livina X-Gear, but doesn’t really want to shell out more money to buy it…

But when it goes to the Anak Selatan club… Behold…

The inspirations for the elegant Innova. Yeah, yeah, sure…

Well, this looks just like a regular Jazz with the mandatory flat-black-painted hood. But that leaves me with a question…

Unless you’re a semi-god or probably God himself, how the hell do you drift with a Jazz? Well, you don’t. That is called melintir.

Facts:
Honda Jazz, B 8806 LV, Lippo Supermall Parking Area.
Thanks to B for the photos.

Recently, one of our trusty contributors went offshore to Kalimantan Timur. And I can assure you that Kalimantan Timur is truly a land of wonders…

Where cars could fly… Kalimantan Timur is a land of promise…

Where auto-parts sellers promised their customers that they could be faster with spoilers…

Or stickers…

Or a shit load of fiberglass, stickers, and all of the above… A land of confusion…

Where people doesn’t know what their wheel offsets are…

Where black is white…

Where a regular riceboy…

Can turn into a wedding car for hire…

Where a Mugen-powered Isuzu Panther exists…

With no other markings on the left side…

But that’s okay, since he found inspiration straight from the streets… A land of certainty…

Where political campaigns even rely on ricers that’s half the height…

Facts:
Mitsubishi Lancer, unknown license plate.
Honda Jazz, KT 2211 MI.
KIA Picanto, KT 2057 AS.
Honda Civic, KT 1307 BE.
Daihatsu Xenia, KT 2060 AU.
Hyundai Accent, KT 1749 AJ.
Toyota Vios, KT 1789 AK.
Isuzu Panther, KT 2712 AM.
Some angkot.
Suzuki Escudo, unknown license plate.
All photos by AES, taken in Kalimantan Timur.

No, we ain’t kidding. Just like Iron Man, this is the peak of the human achievement in technology. A Mugen-powered Honda Jazz, or Fit, or whatever you want, with TV sets inside, GPS, a tow bar (which I have no freaking idea if that’s gonna work or not), and of course, a VVT-i engine…

Facts;
Honda Jazz, B 8995 UM, Thamrin.
Thanks to BI for the photo, we’ve been eyeing this one for a while.