Add More Horsepower!

This is the most common example of a follower or a non-innovative riceboy. What we’re about to see is actually just another riced car. But I’d like to discuss some mistakes that are unspeakably wrong.

From the ground up, this is just plain wrong. You can’t miss the flat-black hood which does not do anything to its performance, and the wheels just don’t match with the car.

The rear end is even more horrifying, the guy really blows his guts by painting his windows flat-black, and dyed all the taillights red. This is truly an attempt to create distractions and accidents to other drivers. On split second glances, people might interpret the brake lights as the sign lamps, and vice versa. Or even the reverse lights for that matter.

On top of all, when you pay the price of a custom bumper, it better be not like this. This is a waste of aerodynamics and airflow.

Facts:
Honda Jazz, B 1567 OT, UPH parking area, Karawaci, Tangerang, Banten.

Fortunately, we at Add More Horsepower! are lucky enough that we never had ass problems. But some people do — really — well, not on their asses, but on their cars.

Here’s an example of a pointless sticker job. Zero accomplishment. Or maybe the car is suffering from a burned ass.

Now, this is probably a rare version of the APV, the APVS Kingroad. And did he get this car out of an Astra dealership?

This guy is obviously totally confused with his car. Is it a Honda Motorcycle? Nope. Does it have a 4.0 engine? Or a 2.2 engine? Hmm… Let me think…

This guy bought the Package Rice-B from Doel’s cutting sticker shop and bought some more stickers to further “enhance” his ride.

The only Escudo with a high-output 4.5L engine. Probably used for a semi pikes peak race.

Another joint venture from Suzuki and Mitsubishi. And probably Densol, too.

Now I’m beginning to think that there is a Lexus LS150…

Facts:
KIA Visto, B 1689 YG, Taman Hijau, Lippo Karawaci, Tangerang, Banten. (Bg).
Suzuki APV, B 8924 BL, somewhere in Tebet tolls, Jakarta. (WM).
Chevrolet Tavera, B 8462 EN, Deplu, Pondok Pinang, Jakarta. (B).
Suzuki Escudo, B 1884 FR, somewhere in Jakarta. (Bg).
Suzuki Escudo, BM 1951 LO, location unknown. (Bg).
Suzuki Katana, L 527 GD, Lippo Karawaci boulevard, Tangerang, Banten. (Bg).
Toyota Vios, B 616 HI, location unknown.

Well some people obviously courageous enough to position and claim themselves as kings. Let’s see if this one really is eligible to be called as a KING.

A Mazda-esque grill design, hmm… Well, I know Timor engines are based on Mazdas, but that doesn’t literally mean that Timors are Mazdas. And take a look at those air intakes, does it do anything? Let me think… Umm… Nope!

The closest analogy for this car would probably be when someone is walking using shoes made out of concrete. Look at those massive 20″ Gravis wheels, I wonder if this car would really have the power to… Run? And I really have a cool imaginary story for those shaved doors… Imagine this:

One day during a heavy rainstorm…

Riceboy with no umbrella or whatsoever: “Shit, I got to get in my car!! FAST!!! Where’s my remote?!?!”

And after a while…

Riceboy with no umbrella and now dripping like a melted ice-cream: “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! The rain got my door remote! It’s all dripping wet and useless!!! Fuck! Where’s that emergency switch?!?!?! Arrrgghhh!!! Fuck!!!”

Get the picture?

And just like the face, the butt is nowhere better… Twin HKS-wannabe exhaust tips, and taillights that look like the ones attached on the Coca-Cola stand in state carnivals. Oh well, probably Pepsi, since the car’s blue.

And of course, the interior… My, my, my… This could get into the upcoming Riceberg award for best artistic value. I just can’t see where the aesthetics here, because IT JUST FUCKING DOESN’T FIT!

And best of all, we have the specs for this car, quoted and unedited from the owner:

Spesifikasi

Exterior
Bodykit custom, duck tail custom, front-rear lamps custom, knalpot replika HKS.

Kaki-kaki
Velg 5 zigen Gravis I 20X8.5, ban Nankang 225/30/20, per custom

Interior
Dashboard marble glitter, setir Isotta, shift knob Isotta, Semi kulit MB-Tech, panel carbon

Mesin
Kabel busi Hurricane, busi splitfire, koil Blue Thunder, XCS Charging system, ground wire, aki kering Optima

Audio
Pioneer 8450, Tv Necvox indash motorize, front speaker Cube Accoustic, rear speaker Focal, 2 Subwoofer Crossfire 12″, Power Rockford BD1000,Power Oxygen, Capasitor audioline.

Wow, 225/30/20 tires on 8.5″ wide rims. Talk about stretchings. Custom springs, which I certainly believe that these are shortened springs, another dumb idea, but considered a very smart and economical move for riceboys. A marble-glittered dashboard… Ewww… With carbon panels?!?!?! Major ewwww… Hurricane sparkplug cables, also a popular choice among riceboys along with other engine enhancements that I doubt would make any significant difference to the car’s performance, especially with all that weight.

Sekali-sekali gue ngasih verdict pake Bahasa Indonesia deh… MAN, LOE KIRA MOBIL LOE KEREN YA? MIRIP GANG ANGKOT “MONSTER” DI ANYER! SELERA LOE BUSUK BANGET SIH?!?!?! KESIAN BAPAK LOE NYARI DUITNYA! KALO GUE JADI BAPAK LOE SIH UDAH GUE GANTUNG LOE DEPAN RUMAH BUAT NGUSIR BURUNG!

Facts:
Timor, B 8123 ZH, Jl. Biak, Jakarta.
Thanks to NoOobz for the photos.

By far, THESE have got to be my favorite advertisements! Period!

Update:
With YouTube you can’t download the videos. But! Click here for MOV versions of them. Unfortunately, the links don’t work with download managers, so you would have to watch them one by one, then save them. Hey, as long as it worked, right?

Further Update:
There is also an article in Wikipedia about the advertisement, along with the explanations of the parody series. Now we can truly “unpimp ze auto”!

This is one of the reasons why we never recommend Avanza or Xenia owners to join AXIC. Because it doesn’t matter if you’re rice or not, you will become “one of them”. Do you know how many members of AXIC have this kind of taste? Oh God, I don’t even want to imagine…

PS: Even the AXIC logo and sticker is crappy enough to be called rice. I call that a humiliation for Daihatsu and Toyota. Really, guys, founders of AXIC, if you don’t know how to make a good looking sticker, don’t even bother trying…

Facts:
Daihatsu Xenia, B 1081 NN, Depo Bangunan parking area, Serpong, Tangerang, Banten.
Thanks to B for the photo.